Mourning
by Pandanoia
Summary: Tsunade copes. JiTsu


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**Mourning**

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"Let me through!"

The ground was thick with blood. Tsunade couldn't tell how much of it had belonged to her teammate. Pushing an array of morbid thoughts from her mind, she continued to plow through the crowd of Medics surrounding the Toad Sannin's body.

"Dammit, let me through! I'M THE DAMN HOKAGE!" Tsunade screamed furiously, shoving past the final line, ignoring the muffled gasps of pain as she swatted away the last five Medics frantically trying to revive the motionless body lying before them.

Upon reaching the body, the Godaime lost her wind. Trembling, she slowly sank to her knees before Jiraiya's lifeless form. The sinking pit in her stomach had warned her not to expect anything good, but nothing could have prepared Tsunade for the sight before her.

"Jiraiya…" She trailed off, she couldn't think of anything to say.

"Jiraiya!" She repeated louder, grabbing the front of his robes.

"Hokage-sama, when we retrieved him he'd already been dead for weeks. We're lucky to have even found his body." Placing a hand on her shoulder, the Medic cautiously patted her, concern -- or maybe fear -- etched on to his face.

Tsunade shook his hand off, and began to shake the Sannin's body. She ignored the flakes of ice flying from his hair and eyelashes, concentrating on anything but the feel of his cold flesh in her hands. His skin had already turned a grisly shade of blue, his lips even darker. Tsunade shook her head, shutting her eyes as tightly as she could, yet the tears still fell. Slowly her grip on his robes slackened, and hard, dry sobs were wrenched painfully from her throat. Just before she let his body fall back to the floor, she suddenly threw her arms around him, pressing his icy corpse as close to herself as possible. He was so cold… the intensity of her cries added to the chill had her shivering uncontrollably.

Maybe, just maybe if she held him long enough, he would take some of her life. Because Tsunade had no use for it now.

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The funeral was horrible. About five-hundred puffy old men came to mourn the "honorable ninja" who had "died for the well-being of Konoha." Ha, ya right. Tsunade grit her teeth, clenching her hands together and bowing her head in what she hoped looked like a mournful fashion.

Her Jiraiya wasn't "honorable." He was rude, perverted, and a coward. And she considered employing violence against the next person who suggested otherwise.

After nodding quickly at another nameless shinobi's respects, Tsunade made her way to the wide casket in the center of the room. She couldn't recognize the figure that lay inside. Dressed in formal clothing, with his wild, white hair tamed, she could have easily confused him with some council member. The whisper of a smile that always graced his lips wasn't present and his eyes were shut, not sparkling with mischievousness as they usually were.

Tsunade choked back another sob as she stared at her teammate longer. She couldn't afford to cry today, her people had seen enough of her tears in the past week to last a while.

Shaking her head gruffly, the Tsunade bent to straighten his robes; whoever had dressed him did a half-assed job. She wondered if this was a valid excuse to banish all the ninjas into the forest. Probably not. It most likely wouldn't make her feel better anyway. She pulled her hands back, clasping them tightly in front of her.

Tsunade could imagine Jiraiya's horror at his own funeral.

"What the hell is this, old lady? I want to go out in style, and these scraps of rags aren't getting that done. Who picked my outfit? Judging from yours, I'd assume you. It's almost as ugly as your expression right now. Seriously, who died? Oh ya, me, but still you'd think the 4th Ninja War was starting with that look."

Hearing his voice in her head forced a bark of laughter from her throat. She threw her hands up to her mouth, looking warily at the looks of the other attendees. They all obviously thought their Hokage had gone insane. Quickly forcing tears into her eyes -- it wasn't very hard in the situation -- she let out a wail of anguish.

"Why, why have you taken him away from me?" She cried, satisfied with the looks of pity she was now receiving.

Tsunade took this moment as the perfect excuse to leave. Burying her face in her hands, she ran past all the concerned faces, nearly smashing the door off its hinges in her hurry to leave.

Jiraiya's booming laughter was still cackling loudly in her ears.

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Tsunade fell into her room, sliding her back down the door as she collapsed into a very undignified heap.

_So he's really gone, isn't he?_

As the pain hit, Tsunade felt her heart shatter, sure that some of the fragments would pierce her lung or some other vital organ. Was it so terrible that she was hoping for it?

From all of her crying in the past week, Tsunade was sure all of her tears were gone. Yet she couldn't stop sobbing. She cried dry, painful sobs that tore at her throat for hours but the hysteria she was feeling would not fade.

_I'm all alone._

At this realization, her body seemed to break. Her cries subsided, and she stilled against her doors. She wrapped her arms around herself, burying her face in her knees.

Then, suddenly, he was there. She knew it when he arrived. Her eyes shot up, and she could already feel his presence. Standing up swiftly, she whirled around the room.

"Jiraiya? Jiraiya? Please, where are you?" Tsunade whimpered, feeling very much like a lost, little girl.

Of course, he was behind her. Instantaneously, his arms were wrapped around her. She could feel it. Tsunade didn't even bother fighting it when the tears fell yet again.

"The invincible Tsunade crying? Over me? I'm honored, Hime."

His voice rumbled in her ears, forcing her to tremble, making her glad he was supporting her sniveling frame.

"_I love you." _She whispered, so inaudibly that had he not been her hallucination he surely wouldn't have been able to hear it.

His low chuckling resonated throughout the room.

"Well, it only took my death to bring that out of you, didn't it?"

How could he still tease her? He knew how much pain she was in, didn't he? Tsunade turned to face him, yet even before she did she knew what she would see.

Nothing.

Staring mournfully at the empty space in front of her for a while, Tsunade finally tore her eyes away from the spot she knew he'd been standing in moments earlier. She sat slowly on her bed, incredibly surprised she wasn't crying again. Of course, reality seemed to always smash things into perspective.

Jiraiya was gone.

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**A/N: Angst. Wow. I actually wrote this around the time Jiraiya dies in the manga, but I completely forgot about it. So i finished it up today. Whoo. Crap title as usual.**

**Reviews are love everybody!**


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